Wild One Parking Only

Back in January, when my station wagon sh*t the proverbial bed, I done went and bought myself a Corolla*.  Or rather, the Big Guy went out and looked at cars and then told me what to buy.  The wagon had gotten quite loud over the last few months of its life and by loud I really mean deafening.  I was embarrassed to start it up after work for fear that people would think a plane was about to crash into the parking lot.  The Big Guy wanted to get me a "No Fear" sticker to put on the back windshield just in case my previous descriptions weren't enough to convince my readers that the car was in fact loud.  So back to the new car.  New beginnings!  Pickings were a bit slim on the lot the day we picked the car out, so I had no choice but to get a spoiler, even though the BG asked repeatedly if we could have it taken off.  At least now I don't have to wonder why I had a dislike for spoilers, rather it had apparently been drilled into me from birth without me knowing it.  Once I started driving a quiet, be-spoilered vehicle, I couldn't imagine life without it.  Several people told me that it made the car look more "youthful."  Well, now that I was behind the wheel of a youthful vehicle, I felt like I needed to get more in touch with what young people are listening to.  After all, I started anticipating that people would see a car with a spoiler and expect a hip person to exit.

That makes absolutely no sense but to get to the point, I started listening to the radio more.  And to stations like Kiss 108 which I hadn't played in years.  Now I'm up on everything "hot and fresh" but it's ruining my life in subtle ways.  I hear myself discussing the lyrics to songs such as "Starships" and "Wild One", trying to make sense of them.  But you see, therein lies the problem; I'm dedicating conversation time to complete nonsense.  The worst aspect of this has been the nighttime visits that these songs are making to me.  I've been waking up in the middle of night with my head pounding.  Not with pain but with riffs from these tunes playing over and over making sleep impossible.  Adult night terrors, of sorts.  Here is a rundown on how this week has been:

Monday: Train's Drive By (WHY GOD WHY?!), only the lines "This is not a drive by, just a shy guy looking for a two ply"
Tuesday: Starships by Nicki Minaj, only the "We're higher than a motherf*cker" and whoopty lines
Wednesday: Wild One by Flo Rida and Sia, mainly just the Sia parts
Thursday: Get Your Ass Back Home by Gym Class Heroes, only the rapping part where the guy says "let 'em walk, let 'em walk"

I have to stop because my eyes are starting to cross from all of the lyrics in my head right now.  I'm starting to think part of the reason why young people are so annoying is that they are also plagued by these songs and don't know how to process what is going in their brains.

*I will be dedicating an upcoming entry to all of the dings and dents that my poor Corolla has suffered in its short life, devoting much of the entry to how the Big Guy backed into it with his truck.